The month of Rajab

Praise be to Allaah, the One, the Subduer, and blessings and peace be upon the Chosen Prophet and upon his good and pure family and companions.

Praise be to Allaah Who says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And your Lord creates whatsoever He wills and chooses” [al-Qasas 28:68]. The attribute of choosing or selecting is indicative of His Lordship and Oneness, and of the perfection of His Wisdom, Knowledge and Power.

One aspect of His choosing and preferring is the fact that He has chosen some days and months and given them preference over others. Among the months, Allaah has chosen four which He has made sacred, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, the number of months with Allaah is twelve months (in a year), so it was ordained by Allaah on the Day when He created the heavens and the earth; of them four are Sacred. That is the right religion, so wrong not yourselves therein…” [al-Tawbah 9:36]

These months are calculated according to the movements of the moon, not the movements of the sun, as the kuffaar do.

The Sacred Months are mentioned by implication in the Qur’aan, but their names are not given. Their names are mentioned in the Sunnah:

It was reported from Abu Bakrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave his Farewell Sermon and said: “Time has completed its cycle and is as it was on the Day when Allaah created the heavens and the earth. The year is twelve months, of which four are sacred, three consecutive months – Dhoo’l-Qa’dah, Dhoo’l-Hijjah and Muharram – and the Rajab of Mudar which comes between Jumaada and Sha’baan.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, no. 1741, in [Kitaab] al-Hajj, al-Khutbah Ayaam Mina; and by Muslim, no. 1679, in [Kitaab] al-Qisaamah, Baab Tahreem al-Dimaa’).

It was called Rajab of Mudar because [the tribe of] Mudar did not tamper with its timing, unlike the rest of the Arabs, who used to tamper with the months and change their order depending on whether they were in a state of war or not. This was the postponing referred to in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):

“The postponing (of a Sacred Month) is indeed an addition to disbelief: thereby the disbelievers are led astray, for they make it lawful one year and forbid it another year in order to adjust the number of months forbidden by Allaah, and make such forbidden ones lawful.” [al-Tawbah 9:37]

It was also said that the reason why it was attributed to Mudar was because they venerated it and respected it so much, so it was attributed to them.

The reason why it is so called.

Ibn Faaris said in Mu’jam Maqaayees al-Lughah (p. 445):

The letters Ra’, jeem and ba’ form a root which indicates supporting and strengthening something with another thing. … Hence the phrase “Rajabtu’l-shay’” means I venerated it… It was called Rajab because they used to venerate it, and it is also venerated in Sharee’ah.

The people of the Jaahiliyyah used to call Rajab Munassil al-Asinnah[the one that causes the sharp heads of weapons to be taken off], as it was reported that Abu Rajaa’ al-‘Ataaridi said:

We would a rock, then if we found a better rock we would throw the first one aside and adopt the other. If we could not find a rock, we would make a pile of dirt, then we would bring a ewe and milk it over the pile of dirt, then we would do tawaaf around it. When the month of Rajab came, we would say Munassil al-Asinnah [the one that causes the sharp heads of weapons to be taken off], and we would not leave any spear or arrow that had an iron piece in it but we would take the metal head off and put it aside during the month of Rajab. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari).

Al-Bayhaqi said: the people of the jaahiliyyah used to venerate these sacred months, especially the month of Rajab, and they would not fight during this month.

Rajab is a sacred month

The Sacred months have a special status, which applies also to Rajab because it is one of these sacred months. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Violate not the sanctity of the Symbols of Allaah, nor of the Sacred Month…” [al-Maa’idah 5:2]

This means: do not violate their sanctity which Allaah has commanded you to respect and forbidden you to violate, for this prohibition includes both vile deeds and vile beliefs.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“so wrong not yourselves therein…” [al-Tawbah 9:36] meaning, in the Sacred Months. The pronoun here [translated here as “therein”] refers to these four sacred months, as stated by the Imaam of the Mufassireen, Ibn Jareer al-Tabari (may Allaah have mercy on him).

So we should pay attention to the sanctity of these four months, because Allaah has singled them out for a special status and has forbidden us to commit sins out of respect for their sanctity, for sins committed at this time are even worse, because of the sanctity of the time which Allaah has made sacred. Hence in the aayah quoted above, Allaah has forbidden us to wrong ourselves even though this – i.e., wronging ourselves, which includes committing sins – is forbidden during all the months of the year.

Fighting during the sacred months

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“They ask you concerning fighting in the sacred months. Say: fighting therein is a great (transgression)…” [al-Baqarah 2:217]

The majority of scholars state that (the prohibition of) fighting in the sacred months is abrogated by the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):

“Then when the sacred months have passed, then kill the Mushrikeen wherever you find them…” [al-Tawbah 9:5], and other aayat and reports which are general in application and which include commands to fight them.

Others say: it is not permissible to initiate fighting during the sacred months, but it is permissible to continue and conclude fighting, if it started at a different time. The fighting of the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) against the people of al-Taa’if is interpreted in this way, because the fighting had begun at Hunayn in Shawwaal.

The above does not apply to fighting in self-defence. If the enemy attacks the Muslim lands, it is obligatory for the inhabitants to defend themselves, whether that happens during a sacred month or not.

Al-‘Ateerah (a kind of sacrifice)

During the Jaahiliyyah, the Arabs used to slaughter a sacrifice during Rajab as an act of worship towards their idols.

When Islam came, teaching that sacrifices were to be offered only to Allaah, this deed of the Jaahiliyyah was abolished. The fuqaha’ differed as to the rulings on offering sacrifices during Rajab. The majority of Hanafis, Maalikis and Hanbalis stated that the sacrifice of al-‘Ateerah was abrogated. Their evidence was the hadeeth, “There is no Fir’ and no‘Ateerah”, narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim from Abu Hurayrah.

The Shaafa’is said that al-‘Ateerah had not been abrogated, and they regarded it as mustahabb (recommended). This was also the view of Ibn Seereen.

Ibn Hajar said: this is supported by the hadeeth narrated by Abu Dawood, al-Nisaa’i, and Ibn Maajah, and classed as saheeh by al-Haakim and Ibn al-Mundhir, from Nubayshah, who said:

A man called out to the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): We used to offer the sacrifice of al-‘Ateerah during the Jaahiliyyah in the month of Rajab. What do you command us to do? He said, Offer sacrifices, no matter which month is it…

Ibn Hajar said: the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not abolish it in principle, but he abolished the idea of making this sacrifice especially in Rajab.

Fasting in Rajab

There is no saheeh report from the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) or from the Sahaabah to indicate that there is any particular virtue in fasting during Rajab.

The fasting that is prescribed in Rajab is the same as that prescribed in other months, namely fasting on Mondays and Thursdays, and the three days of al-Beed, fasting alternate days, and fasting Sirar al-Shahr. Some of the scholars said that Sirar al-Shahr refers to the beginning of the month; others said that it refers to the middle or end of the month. ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) used to forbid fasting in Rajab because it involved resemblance to the Jaahiliyyah. It was reported that Kharashah ibn al-Harr said: I saw ‘Umar smacking the hands of those who fasted in Rajab until they reached out for food, and he was saying, This is a month which was venerated in the Jaahiliyyah. (al-Irwaa’, 957; al-Albaani said: it is saheeh).

Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim said: the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not fast for three consecutive months (i.e., Rajab, Sha’baan and Ramadaan) as some people do, and he never fasted Rajab at all, nor did he encourage people to fast this month.

Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said in Tabayyun al-‘Ajab bimaa wurida fi Fadl Rajab:

No saheeh hadeeth that may be used as evidence has been narrated concerning the virtues of the month of Rajab or fasting this month or fasting in any specific part of it, or observing Qiyaam al-Layl specifically during this month. Imaam Abu Ismaa’eel al-Harawi al-Haafiz has already stated this before me, and we have narrated this from others also.

In Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah it states: with regard to fasting specifically in Rajab, we do not know of any basis in Sharee’ah for doing that.

‘Umrah in Rajab

The ahaadeeth indicate that the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not do ‘Umrah during Rajab, as it was narrated that Mujaahid said: ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr and I entered the mosque, and there was ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar sitting near the room of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her). He was asked, “How many times did the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) do ‘Umrah?” He said, “Four times, and one of them was in Rajab.” We did not want to argue with him. We could hear ‘Aa’ishah Umm al-Mu’mineen brushing her teeth (i.e., the sound of the miswaak) in her room. ‘Urwah said, “O Mother of the Believers, did you not hear what Abu ‘Abd al-Rahmaan is saying?” She said, “What is he saying?” He said, “He is saying that the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did ‘Umrah four times, one of them in Rajab.” She said, “May Allaah have mercy on Abu ‘Abd al-Rahmaan, [the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] never did ‘Umrah but he witnesses it (i.e., he was present with him), and he never did ‘Umrah during Rajab.” (Agreed upon).

It was reported by Muslim that Ibn ‘Umar heard this and did not say yes or no. Al-Nawawi said: the fact that Ibn ‘Umar remained silent when ‘Aa’ishah denied what he said indicates that he was confused, or had forgotten, or was uncertain. Hence it is an innovated bid’ah to single out Rajab for making ‘Umrah and to believe that doing ‘Umrah in Rajab has a specific virtue. Nothing to that effect has been narrated, besides the fact that the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is not reported to have made ‘Umrah during Rajab at all.

Shaykh ‘Ali ibn Ibraaheem al-‘Attaar (d. 724 AH) said:

One of the things that I have heard about the people of Makkah – may Allaah increase it in honour – is that they do ‘Umrah frequently during Rajab. This is something for which I know of no basis, all I know is that it was reported in the hadeeth that the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “ ‘Umrah in Ramadaan is equivalent to Hajj.”

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his Fataawaa:

As for singling out some of the days of Rajab for any kind of good deed, ziyaarah (visiting the House of Allaah, the Ka’bah) or anything else, there is no basis for this, because Imaam Abu Shaamah stated in his book al-Bida’ wa’l-Hawaadith: specifying acts of worship at times that were not specified by sharee’ah is wrong; no time is to be regarded as better than any other except in cases where the sharee’ah gave preference to a certain act of worship at a certain time, or stated that any good deed done at this time is better than good deeds done at other times. Hence the scholars denounced the practice of singling out the month of Rajab for doing ‘Umrah frequently.

But if a person goes for ‘Umrah during Rajab without believing that this has any particular virtue and because it is just a coincidence that it is easier for him to go at this time, then there is nothing wrong with that.

Bid’ah and innovations in the month of Rajab

Innovation in religion is one of the serious matters which go against the Book of Allaah and the Sunnah. The Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not die until after the religion had been perfected. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… This day, I have perfected your religion for you, completed My favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion…” [al-Maa’idah 5:3]

It was reported that ‘Aa’isha (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever innovates something in this matter of ours which is not a part of it, will have it rejected.” (Agreed upon).

According to a report narrated by Muslim: “Whoever does an action which is not a part of this matter of ours will have it rejected.”

Some people have innovated a number of practices in Rajab, including the following:

- Salaat al-Raghaa’ib. This prayer became widespread after the first and best centuries, especially in the fourth century AH. Some liars fabricated this prayer, which is done on the first night of Rajab. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Salaat al-Raghaa’ib is bid’ah according to the consensus of the scholars of religion, such as Maalik, al-Shaafa’i, Abu Haneefah, al-Thawri, al-‘Oozaa’i, al-Layth and others . The hadeeth that is narrated concerning it is a lie according to the consensus of the scholars who have knowledge of hadeeth.

- It was reported that major events happened in the month of Rajab, but none of these reports are true. It was reported that the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was born on the first night of Rajab, and that he received his Mission on the twenty-seventh, or twenty-fifth of this month. None of this is correct. It was reported with an isnaad that is not saheeh from al-Qaasim ibn Muhammad that the Prophet’s Night Journey (al-Israa’) took place on the twenty-seventh of Rajab. This was denied by Ibraaheem al-Harbi and others. One of the innovations that take place during this month is the recitation of the story of the Mi’raaj, and celebrations to commemorate it on the twenty-seventh of Rajab, or singling out this night to perform extra acts of worship such as Qiyaam al-Layl or fasting during the day, or rejoicing and celebrating. Some celebrations are accompanied by haraam things such as mixing of men and women, singing and music, all of which are not permitted on the two Eids which are prescribed in Islam, let alone innovated celebrations. Add to that the fact that there is no proof that the Israa’ and Mi’raaj happened on this date. Even if it were proven, that is no excuse for holding celebrations on this date, because nothing of the kind has been reported from the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) or from his companions, may Allaah be pleased with them, or from any of the Salaf (early generations) of this Ummah. If it were a good thing, they would surely have done it before us. May Allaah help us.

- Salaat Umm Dawood halfway through Rajab.

- The du’aa’s which are recited specifically during Rajab are all fabrications and innovations.

- Visiting graves specifically in Rajab is bid’ah, because graves are to be visited at any time of the year.

We ask Allaah to make us of those who venerate the things that He has made sacred and adhere to the Sunnah of the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) outwardly and inwardly, for He is the One Whom we should ask and He is Able to do that. And the close of our request is: praise be to Allaah, the Lord of ‘Aalameen (mankind, jinns and all that exists).

2839 .islam Q& A

Your eyes…. And Lowering The Gaze

Written by: Dr. Muhammad El Saqqa Eid

Allah says in the Quran {Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And Allah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty} (Surat Al Noor <24:30-31>)

And He also says:{Have We not given him two eyes, And a tongue and two lips, And pointed out to him the two conspicuous ways?} (Surat Al Balad <90:8-10>)

Eyes are the precious pearls that no price can afford. Allah has called them "The beloved things", or "the dear things", as came in the Hadith narrated by Al Bukhari, Al Tarmizi, and Ibn Habaan, that the prophet sala Allah alyh w salam said:"Allah said, 'If I deprive my servant of his two beloved things (i.e., his eyes) and he remains patient, I will vouchsafe him the Paradise in compensation for them.'''

The creation of the eye is one of the greatest secrets of God's powers, and an evidence thereto. Despite their small size in comparison with the whole organs around them, their scope of vision encompasses the whole wide universe including the sky, the earth, the sea, and all creatures.

The sense of sight comes in second in importance after the sense of hearing, as God says in the Quran in this concern what means :{Verily We created Man from a drop of mingled sperm, in order to try him: So We gave him (the gifts), of Hearing and Sight} (Surat Al Insan <076.002 >).

The sight is the mirror or a reflection of the body and its tool of distinction. It is the window though which we have see the surrounding world, and by which we can probe shapes, sizes and colors. The sight is man's means of identifying God's creatures and contemplating them. Allah says <> (Surat Al Ankabout <29:20>>).

And, as we have already said, because the eyes are the most precious things that we have, we should take good care of them and protect them against any potential and possible harm.

And among the many things that should help us protect our eyes and preserve their health and strength, is refraining from using them in what Allah forbids, because they are one of Allah's several bounties upon us. One of the acts that tire the eyes is watching pornographic films. Allah says in His Holy Book in this concern what means {surely the hearing and the sight and the heart, all of these, shall be questioned about that} (Surat Al Israa < 17:36>). Therefore, a Muslim should divert his/her senses from what displeases Allah, and should not consume them in what is not useful. Letting the gaze roam freely at what arouses the desire and causes fitah (temptation) contradicts completely with the healthy fitrah (innate nature of human) that Allah has given us.

Al Tabarany and Hakim reported from Abdu Allah Ibn Masoad, May Allah be pleased with him that he said: The prophet of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) reported from Allah Almighty that He said: "The glance is a poisoned arrow of shaytaan (Satan). Whoever lowers his gaze for Allah, He will bestow upon him a refreshing sweetness, which he will find in his heart on the day he meets Him."

Lowering the gaze and its health benefits

The question is: Does lowering the gaze have any benefits to the human health?

Scientific research and studies proved that repeated desirous looking at the opposite sex, and the ensuing need to fulfill the suppressed and unfulfilled desires, lead to many problems as serious as productive system diseases, such as the cognition of prostate, the sexual inability, or total infertility.

Some social studies have also proved that, in western societies, not lowering the gaze leads to depression and other psychological disorders. Such studies also indicate that moral disintegration and sexual promiscuity in those societies are some of the results of the inexistence of a religious doctrine or ethical and moral restrictions that regulate such a noble sense and channel it into what conforms to the human physical and psychological health.

The sense of sight is absolutely the strongest of the senses as far as responding to sexual excitement is concerned. Using this sense unconsciously and indiscriminately in looking at what arouses the desires simply means that its owner is wasting it unknowingly, and consequently is wasting his/her own psychological balance in vain and in no return except for an illusion of enjoyment and pleasure. The best remedy for the desirous looking at the opposite sex is to remember that Allah is always there seeing us all the time, and is watching over our deeds.Remind yourself that Allah sees you but you can't see Him, so where on earth could you be able to commit a sin without being caught? Where would such a place be?. Also remind yourself of Allah's (thawab) forgiveness and reward for those who lower their gaze in fear and obedience of Him, as the prophet (peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) said, as narrated by Ahmad and Al Tabarany, <<Whoever( Muslim) looks at the beauties of a woman, then lowers his gaze, Allah will reward him with an act of worship that he feels its sweetness in his heart>>.

An anonymous from one of the coastal cities says "When I was young, my only pastime was to hang out with my friends in the streets and on the beach to look at beautiful women and girls and harass them. It used to give me great pleasure at first, then, over time, it turned to be something like addiction. I started to fall back in my studies, and the pictures of the girls and women I looked at, would stick to my mind and never left me when I was awake nor when I was asleep".

"And they came to me in my dreams. I started to live a strange life; a mixture of reality and dreams. Unlike all my peers , I failed to form any successful relation with any of my female colleagues.. My spirits were so low, and I started to go to psychiatrists, and to take sedatives, until someone advised me to get married, Which I did. I thought, like everyone did, that, with marriage, my problem would come to an end, and that my suppressed desires would be vented out naturally. Easier said! I realized that I suffered from sexual frigidity to a degree that I couldn’t imagine. Life turned dark in my eyes and I cried every night like a child".

"Day after day, and as I started to pray and read Quran regularly, peace returned to my soul. One day, I read that verse from surat Al Noor, in which God says what means (Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze), and it was such a great day in my life. I became sure that this Book (The Quran) can not be the words of anyone but the Creator of this universe. I have loved Allah so much since that day, and loved His Book too. That Book ,whose letters and words touches every part of the human soul, and guide it to the light, purity and righteousness. And after obeying Allah, I recovered and came back to my previous normal state "

by Come! Let us spread the message of peace,the message of Islam.

Rights of Parents .

Rights of Parents
.
1. You should not cause them any harm even if they commit any excesses.
2. Respect and honour them in your speech and dealings with them.
3. Obey them in permissible acts.
4. If they are in need of money, assist them even if they are kafirs.
5. The following rights are due to parents after their death:
(a) Continue making duas of forgiveness and mercy for them. Continue sending rewards to them in the form of optional acts of worship and charity on their behalf.
(b) Meet their friends and relatives in a friendly way and also assist them wherever possible.
(c) If you have the finances, fulfil their unpaid debts and the permissible bequests that they have made.
(d) When they pass away, abstain from crying and wailing aloud or else their souls will be troubled.
6. According to the Shariah, the rights of the paternal and maternal grandparents are similar to those of the parents and they should be regarded as such.
7. Similarly, the rights of the maternal and paternal uncles and aunts are similar to those of the parents. This has been deduced from certain Ahadith. (Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said: “The maternal aunt has the status of one�s mother

Characteristics of a Pious Husband

Characteristics of a Pious Husband

On the Day of Judgment :Allah will ask men if they fulfilled their obligations towards their families. They who fear Allah will do their best to direct the way his wife and children live by educating himself and his family to living according to the Sunnah of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and the Holy Qur’an, the final word of Allah.

The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, “The best of you is the best one to his family.” [Al-Tabarani]

To share food with her, to provide her with (decent) clothes as he provides himself, to refrain from smacking her, and not ignoring her but in the house. [Ahmad]

One should not hate his believer wife. If he dislikes some of her attitudes, he would (surely) like others (attitudes). [Muslim]

Woman was created from a bent rib and will not be made straight for you on one way (that you like). If you want to enjoy her, you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you want to straighten her up, you will break her. Breaking her is divorcing her. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

Do (volunteer) fasting (some days) and do not fast (in other days), pray at night (some nights) and sleep (in other nights). Your body has a right on you (to rest), your eye has a right on you (to sleep), and your wife has a right on you. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

Fear Allah in (treating) women. [Muslim]

Be advised to treat women righteously. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing that Allah brings through it a great deal of good. [4:19]

The Prophet (Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said,”A Dinar (a currency) that you spend on your family, a Dinar that you spend on a poor person and a Dinar that you spend in the sake of Allah. The one that carries the most reward is the one that you spend on your family.” [Muslim]

The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said to Saaid ibn Abi Waqqas,”Know that no charity that you give whether small or large, for the sake of Allah, but you will be rewarded for it, even the bite (of food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.” [Bukhari & Muslim]

by Al-Islaah Publications

HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL MUSLIM WIFE

HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL MUSLIM WIFE

by Muslim Marriage .

In Islam, marriage is a blessed contract between a man and a woman. Each have their own role to play in making a marriage successful. It is a bit more difficult but certainly possible to make even a selected partner in a marriage a success.

Steps

1. Be the best wife you can be. Being a good Muslim wife is in many ways similar to being a good wife in other religions. Sure it has its own special features and requirements, just like any other religion. However, there are common basic methods and guidelines for being a good wife in general. Follow them
2. Make Dua. Always ask Allah for forgiveness and blessings on your marriage.
3. Understand and respect your husband's rights. Study authentic ahaadith and make sure that you understand your obligations as a wife. These include the husband's right to always expect obedience from his wife - as long as his commands do not go against the Shariah - and above all his conjugal rights. Offer to wear the niqaab - your husband will appreciate it if you save your beauty for him alone.
4. Be secure in yourself. Putting yourself down in front of him is another way of insulting his taste in women. If he is with you, it's because he wants to be. He will find you sexy even if you don't feel like it, if you act the part. Remember that attitude and willingness are large parts of being sexy. Poor self-esteem and a "void" in your life is terrible for marriage. Make sure you still have a fun and interesting life. If your husband left tomorrow, would you still have girlfriends you see at least once a month, hobby clubs you go to, sports you play? If not, your husband will always be working to fill a void he can't, and will feel inadequate and unhappy.
5. Express, don't accuse. Except in the rare event that your husband happens to be psychic, don't expect mind-reading powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so. Don't drop hints or figure he'll "come around". Communicate calmly, clearly and directly. Relationships work best when each partner calmly express their current emotion without harping on what he has done. Frequently, a "I feel attacked" or "I feel sad" is all it takes for him to step back and ask, "Why?" Then simply say, "When you slammed the door, I felt ignored." Let "I feel" be your guide.
6. Don't expect the moon. He needs to keep trying, you need to keep trying, but neither of you is perfect. Unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone. However, if you both keep working on your marriage, you will always be covered, even when one of you comes up a little short. If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect to be lavished with possessions and have the love of your life home for every meal. Should you want more together time, be prepared to have that desire fulfilled at some expense.
7. Pick your battles. Nagging and nitpicking can destroy a relationship. As long as the dishes are clean and unbroken, for instance, don't nag about how to load the dishwasher "the right way". Let him do things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on what is important.
8. Accept him. Only by accepting him as he is, do you have such deep respect and gratitude for him that you would never want him to change in any way for you. He has so much to offer you if only you give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you are. Help him grow in the direction that he chooses, and give him the chance to help you.

Tips

• It is recommended not to criticize your husband, not in his presence, not in his absence, not when you're in front of people, and not when you're alone together. Be supportive, encouraging, and compliment him as much as you can. This doesn't mean you shouldn't voice your concerns, but there's a difference between expressing your needs and criticizing his ability to meet them.

Warnings

• Don't ever accept abuse (physical or otherwise). Islam requires a good wife to be loving and obeying to her full extent of ability, but it also obliges a man to respect his wife, and treat her in a civilized and tender manner. Understand that this is an obligation your husband must fulfill. Being a good wife in Islam does not mean you have to suffer in silence if your husband is physically, verbally or in any other way abusive.
  • Learn how to recognize a manipulative or controlling relationship.
  • Talk things out or see a counselor. If you're forced to do things, if he hits you at all, if he tries to control who you see or demeans you, it's definitely not a good relationship. A real man gets what he wants without forcing.
  • Make sure you're safe if he turns violent, even once. Depending on the situation that might mean moving out, or calling the police, or telling someone what's happening - whatever you do, don't continue to suffer in silence, and don't accept abuse (physical or otherwise) in your relationship. Remember that he will come back, as loving as ever, and apologize again and again, and the violence escalates each time.

HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL MUSLIM HUSBAND

HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL MUSLIM HUSBAND

Steps

1. Begin with a good greeting: When you return from work or travel, greet her. Start with "As Salaamu Alaikum". Smile to her. Give her a kiss. Tell her you love her, she will never forget this. There is always time for telling bad news.Have a sense of humor. Joke around. Play games with her.
2. Listen to her: Give her your attention when she speaks.
3. Talk with her: Talk with her about her feelings and your good memories.Spend time talking together. Postpone telling bad news to her until a suitable time. Look for the most suitable way to convey bad news.
4. Be Cheerful: Be happy, cheerful, friendly and gentle when you meet your wife.
5. Help her: Doing housework is not easy. You have a share of the housework too. Especially if she is sick or tired, don't wait untill she asks you to help.
6. Be Honest: Avoid telling her lies. If you're not truthful with her, she will never trust you. Always tell her the truth.
7. Consult her: Let her feel her opinion is important to you. Change your decision if she has a better opinion.
8. Thank her: Thank her for all the nice things she does, this will give her self-confidence.
9. Bring her a gift: It should not be an expensive gift, but is should be something she likes.
10. Listen to her Halal Demands: Let her improve you as a person. Encourage her to enjoin people to righteousness and discourage people from sinning. Encourage her to meet with her good friends and relatives. Take her out for halal entertainment. Entertain her yourself in halal ways!
11. Be nice to her in bed: Adhere to Islamic etiquitte of marriage and sex. Have a healthy intimate life with her and encourage and praise her during that. Incorporate halal means to improve your love life and her satisfaction.
12. Make Dua: Ask Allah to help you achieve and maintain excellent relations with your wife

Tips

• Help her in serving Allah. Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiyam-al-Layl". Teach her what you know of the Quran, Hadith, Tafseer and Dhikr.
• Take her to Hajj and Umrah whenever you afford to do so.
• Take her to visit her family frequently but especially at some occasions.
• Be generous. Give her enough money. Never wait until she asks for that.
• trust her, love her, understand her.
• treat her generously.
• Understand her fair needs and necessities and try his best to fulfill them.
• Always share with her (some joke, special moments of your Business/Job/any profession, any emergency news, family matters, own habits).
• Arrange some parties/sittings with your best friends' families in order to strong your family relation, expand her vision, and in this way she also able to support you in your outside matter.

Warnings

• Never blame your wife for the bad cooking of the food. If you like the food, eat and thank her. If you don't like the food, say nothing.
• Don't insult her. If you've hurt her feelings, say "I'm sorry" and try to please her.
• Don't describe other men to her. Don't compare other women with her.
• Avoiding excess Gheerah. Don't prevent her from answering the phone. Give her space so she wont feel suffocated
• Avoid shaming her such as insulting her
• Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night, she may start to get suspicious.
• Never blame her without any strong evidence.
• Never break her trust not even in joke.

Do not interfere in matters that do not concern you

Do not interfere in matters that do not concern yo

by Dawah Blog

“From the excellence of

one’s Islam is to leave that which does not concern him.”

How beautiful is this expression, especially if you were to hear it from the righteous and pure mouth of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ! Yes, to leave that which does not concern him!

How many are those cumbersome people who bother you by interfering in matters that do not concern them? They bother you when they see your watch, “How much did you buy this for?”

You reply, “This was given to me as a gift”.

Then they would say, “A gift? From whom?”

You reply, “From a friend.”

He would continue, “Your friend from the university? Or your locality? Or elsewhere?”

You reply, “Well, a friend of mine from the university.”

He keeps pressing, “Okay, but what was the occasion?”

You respond, “Well, an occasion, from our university days.”

He then says, “Yes, but what occasion in particular? Graduation? Or when you went on a trip? Or something else?”

He would continue to ask you questions about an utterly worthless matter! I ask you, by Allaah, wouldn’t you feel like shouting at him, saying, “Do not interfere in that which does not concern you!’ And even worse is if he were to put you in an awkward situation by asking you an embarrassing question in public!

I remember, once I was in a gathering with a group of my friends. After the Maghrib prayer, one of my friends’ mobile phone rang. He was sitting next to me. He answered the phone,

“Yes?”

His wife shouted on the phone, “Hello! Where are you, you donkey?” Her voice was so loud that I could hear their conversation well. He said, “I am fine, may Allaah protect you.” It seemed as though he had promised her to take her to her family, but became busy with us. His wife became really angry and said, “May Allaah not protect you! You are quite happy to be with your friends all the while I wait for you. By Allaah, you are a bull!”

He said, “May Allaah be pleased with you. I will come to you after ‘Ishaa.”

I realised that his speech did not exactly correspond to hers. Thereafter I realised that he was speaking in this manner in order to save himself from embarrassment.

He then finished his call. I began to look at those present, thinking to myself that one of them will ask him, “Who was that on the phone? What does he want from you? Why did your face change after the conversation?” But Allaah had mercy on him; no one interfered in a matter which did not concern them.

Likewise, if you were to visit a patient and ask him about his illness, and he were to reply vaguely, “al-Hamdulillah, nothing major, just minor illness”, and such expressions that do not explicitly answer the question, do not embarrass him by persisting on asking detailed questions, such as, “I am sorry, but what exactly is the illness? Please clarify what you said” and so on. Why the need to embarrass him?

From the excellence of one’s Islam is to leave that which does not concern him. I mean, are you really waiting for him to tell you, “I have haemorrhoids”, or “I have an injury, in an embarrassing place”, etc? As long as he gave you a vague response, there is no need to ask him for details. I do not mean that he should not question the patient about his illness. What I mean is that one should not ask detailed questions about another’s illness.

Another example of this is a person who called out to a student in front of all the people in a public gathering, and asked in a loud voice, “Hey! Ahmad! Did you pass?” Ahmad said, “Yes’. He asked, “What percentage? What grade?”

If he truly cared for him, he would have asked him when he was alone. There was also no need to go into details by asking “What percentage? Why didn’t you revise? Why weren’t you accepted in the university?” If he was really ready to help him, then he could have taken him to the side and spoken to him about whatever he liked. But as for displaying his dirty laundry in public, then that certainly was not genuine!

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “From the excellence of one’s Islam is to leave that which does not concern him.”

However, be careful. Do not make a matter larger than it is. Once I was travelling to Madinah and was busy delivering a number of lectures. So I agreed with a kind young man to take my two sons, ‘Abd ar-Rahman and Ibrahim, after ‘Asr, to their Qur’an memorisation circles, or some summer amusement centre, and to return with them after ‘Isha.

‘Abd ar-Rahman was ten years old. I feared that that young man may ask him some useless questions, such as, “What is your mother’s name? Where is your house? How many brothers do you have? How much pocket money does your father give you?” So I warned ‘Abd ar-Rahman and said, “If he were to ask you an inappropriate question, just say to him that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘From the excellence of one’s Islam is to leave that which does not concern him.’” I repeated to him the Hadith until he had memorised it.

‘Abd ar-Rahman and his brother then sat in the car with this young man. ‘Abd ar-Rahman was at the time both very tense and respectful. The young man said out of kindness, “May Allaah prolong your life, O ‘Abd ar-Rahman!” ‘Abd ar-Rahman replied, “May Allaah prolong your life, too!” The poor young man wanted to lighten up the atmosphere a bit, so he said, “Is the Shaykh delivering any lecture today?” ‘Abd ar-Rahman tried to remember the Hadith, but his memory did not help him, so he yelled, “Do not interfere in things that do not concern you!” The young man said, “I mean, I would just like to attend his lecture and benefit.”

‘Abd ar-Rahman then thought that he was trying to be clever, so he repeated the same response, ‘“Do not interfere in things that do not concern you.” The young man then said, “I am sorry, ‘Abd al-Rahman. But what I mean is…”, but ‘Abd ar-Rahman again shouted, “No! Do not interfere in that which does not concern you!” They remained on these terms until I returned. ‘Abd ar- Rahman then informed me of the entire story with pride, so I laughed and had to explain the concept to him once again.

Workshop…

Struggling against yourself to free yourself from interfering in others’ affairs is exhausting in the beginning, but easy in the end.