HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL MUSLIM WIFE

HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL MUSLIM WIFE

by Muslim Marriage .

In Islam, marriage is a blessed contract between a man and a woman. Each have their own role to play in making a marriage successful. It is a bit more difficult but certainly possible to make even a selected partner in a marriage a success.

Steps

1. Be the best wife you can be. Being a good Muslim wife is in many ways similar to being a good wife in other religions. Sure it has its own special features and requirements, just like any other religion. However, there are common basic methods and guidelines for being a good wife in general. Follow them
2. Make Dua. Always ask Allah for forgiveness and blessings on your marriage.
3. Understand and respect your husband's rights. Study authentic ahaadith and make sure that you understand your obligations as a wife. These include the husband's right to always expect obedience from his wife - as long as his commands do not go against the Shariah - and above all his conjugal rights. Offer to wear the niqaab - your husband will appreciate it if you save your beauty for him alone.
4. Be secure in yourself. Putting yourself down in front of him is another way of insulting his taste in women. If he is with you, it's because he wants to be. He will find you sexy even if you don't feel like it, if you act the part. Remember that attitude and willingness are large parts of being sexy. Poor self-esteem and a "void" in your life is terrible for marriage. Make sure you still have a fun and interesting life. If your husband left tomorrow, would you still have girlfriends you see at least once a month, hobby clubs you go to, sports you play? If not, your husband will always be working to fill a void he can't, and will feel inadequate and unhappy.
5. Express, don't accuse. Except in the rare event that your husband happens to be psychic, don't expect mind-reading powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so. Don't drop hints or figure he'll "come around". Communicate calmly, clearly and directly. Relationships work best when each partner calmly express their current emotion without harping on what he has done. Frequently, a "I feel attacked" or "I feel sad" is all it takes for him to step back and ask, "Why?" Then simply say, "When you slammed the door, I felt ignored." Let "I feel" be your guide.
6. Don't expect the moon. He needs to keep trying, you need to keep trying, but neither of you is perfect. Unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone. However, if you both keep working on your marriage, you will always be covered, even when one of you comes up a little short. If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect to be lavished with possessions and have the love of your life home for every meal. Should you want more together time, be prepared to have that desire fulfilled at some expense.
7. Pick your battles. Nagging and nitpicking can destroy a relationship. As long as the dishes are clean and unbroken, for instance, don't nag about how to load the dishwasher "the right way". Let him do things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on what is important.
8. Accept him. Only by accepting him as he is, do you have such deep respect and gratitude for him that you would never want him to change in any way for you. He has so much to offer you if only you give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you are. Help him grow in the direction that he chooses, and give him the chance to help you.

Tips

• It is recommended not to criticize your husband, not in his presence, not in his absence, not when you're in front of people, and not when you're alone together. Be supportive, encouraging, and compliment him as much as you can. This doesn't mean you shouldn't voice your concerns, but there's a difference between expressing your needs and criticizing his ability to meet them.

Warnings

• Don't ever accept abuse (physical or otherwise). Islam requires a good wife to be loving and obeying to her full extent of ability, but it also obliges a man to respect his wife, and treat her in a civilized and tender manner. Understand that this is an obligation your husband must fulfill. Being a good wife in Islam does not mean you have to suffer in silence if your husband is physically, verbally or in any other way abusive.
  • Learn how to recognize a manipulative or controlling relationship.
  • Talk things out or see a counselor. If you're forced to do things, if he hits you at all, if he tries to control who you see or demeans you, it's definitely not a good relationship. A real man gets what he wants without forcing.
  • Make sure you're safe if he turns violent, even once. Depending on the situation that might mean moving out, or calling the police, or telling someone what's happening - whatever you do, don't continue to suffer in silence, and don't accept abuse (physical or otherwise) in your relationship. Remember that he will come back, as loving as ever, and apologize again and again, and the violence escalates each time.